Secrets, secrets are no fun unless they are shared with everyone…
Every secret is not fun.
Every secret cannot be shared.
Most secrets kept are usually the one thing that should have been shared.
I was once told as a child that keeping a secret was cool and if I shared my secret I would hurt my family.. As a child you never want to hurt your family. You want to keep everyone happy and everyone proud of you..
The person telling me to keep the secret was apart of my family. So I suffered from confusion and never said a word. It destroyed my trust in my family, it made me think no one could protect me, it made me believe that no one cared about me or even paid me any mind..
So I behaved like a good little girl and did as I was told..
I use to wake up at sleepover to a shadow hovering over me and when I gain complete consciousness the shadow would run out of the room..
Forced to touch, kiss, grab, sit and be touched with the constant reminder if I ever told I would disappoint my family..
For many years I held this secret. I allow this secret to control my life. I stop going to visit my family, I had trust issues, I gave myself away when I did not have too but it was a feeling so familiar it was almost all I knew.. I kept going and going until I got burned. I despised my family but how could I when they had no clue.. I stayed to myself I would not let people get close to me, I experienced depression and anxiety.I went to therapy. I popped pills and drank to numb the pain just to wake up and see myself as shit. No one had any clue the pain that I felt inside on a regular basis…
I woke up, dressed how I felt, put a smile on and try to be happy and fun as possible in front of everyone..
I struggled with who I was and if anyone saw me. I lost faith in myself, family and God. I wanted to move on without facing my problems and I quickly learn that was not going to happen. I learn the power of forgiving and that it was not for the other person but for myself. I learn that I am somebody and that God had a plan for me.
I have been working on myself for sometime now and it has led me to speak my truth, find my purpose and to overall become a better person. I no longer want to have a negative thought in my head from the past. I want to continue on my pursuit of happiness and help others along the way.
Even through all that I still held a secret until today…
Secrets are never fun when they are hurting you. I advise everyone to speak your truth, speak your soul and become the best you. Just know you are not identified by the things you go through in life. You are made to overcome, to beat the odds and to be an authentic you.